You know, it's odd. There are days when I really need to "hear" a human voice through the comments box. God makes certain that those days comments are particularly sparse. Yesterday was one of them. I longed to hear someone say something, that something written actually meant something to them. Nothing. So I went over to Disputations and kicked up a fuss that must be spinning the HaloScan dials non-stop. It helped me to take my mind off (momentarily) the nearly constant gnawing fear and worry over Samuel.
But God does this for a reason. I'm supposed to be listening and dependent upon Him. As much as I love you all and appreciate your wonderful prayers and great comments, that isn't what should be barring the gates of worry and fear. What should be my defense is the certain and unshakeable knowledge that God really loves me. He loves me more than words can say, so He took action--He died and redeemed me. He is my rock, my foundation, my fortress, my God in whom I trust. He should be my first line of defense.
But the worry is the cross of the day--it extends into tomorrow and beyond, but I merely need to bring myself back and remember--one step at a time toward His open arms. What happens tomorrow, happens tomorrow. Right now, I need to trust and love Him. I need Him far more than I need blog comments. But that doesn't stop me from longing for a word. And it is that longing, that attachment that I need to learn to curtail by flinging myself into Him open arms and burying myself with Him to rise with Him.
I know the feeling. I've posted things before that I thought would generate some comments only hear crickets singing in the night.
I can't even try to be articulate but I feel as if some of what you said in this post also applies to me. Sometimes I just think I do need other people to be my link back to God though. Maybe that's just another way of not facing God. I end up asking for prayers and hoping other people can connect with God on my behalf in a way I feel like I can't but am not really trying very hard to.
My priest said prayer is always God initiating the conversation. At first this was a welcome new idea. Now when I don't "feel" at all like praying and the canned prayers come out mechanical, I think, "Well, guess God's not initiating anything more with me."
Even though you're right, you don't need my comments nearly as much as you need God -- amen to that -- here are some anyway. :)
Dear Davey's Mom,
You're absolutely right. There are times, many times, when we need people to bring us back to God. That's what community is about, in part.
Don't worry too much about God initiating prayer. He's always inviting you to come sit in his lap and be quiet for a while. Think of the times you cuddle your little one and know that deep warmth. He needn't say anything at all, but the sheer joy and pleasure is being with him and loving him. So, sometimes your Father wants you there in His arms, simply loving him, not worrying about what to say, just content in His presence. Yes, resting quietly in the Lord is a form of prayer--a consolation not granted many. Perhaps God is encouraging you to come for a short, quiet stay. Read this and just be with him. That's all He's asking from His precious daughter right now.
Nathan,
You are far too kind, and your words are most welcome. Thank you.
shalom,
Steven
it is why the hand cannot say to the foot, i have no need of you.
this community has been life-saving to many. don't forget that.
I can identify...what did we do before blogs, 'eh? My prayer is often, "Lord deliver me from attachments, just not yet".