Although I'm Seriously Late
It never hurts to repeat the winner of the Annual Bulwer-Lytton Competition. And the winner is:
Bulwer-Lytton Competition Grand Prize Ms. Rephah Berg On reflection, Angela perceived that her relationship with Tom had always been rocky, not quite a roller-coaster ride but more like when the toilet-paper roll gets a little squashed so it hangs crooked and every time you pull some off you can hear the rest going bumpity-bumpity in its holder until you go nuts and push it back into shape, a degree of annoyance that Angela had now almost attained.
and we mustn't forget the Detective Category:
Winner Detective Category Matthew Chambers Chief Inspector Blancharde knew that this murder would be easy to solve-despite the fact that the clever killer had apparently dismembered his victim, run the corpse through a chipper-shredder with some Columbian beans to throw off the police dogs, and had run the mix through the industrial-sized coffee maker in the diner owned by Joseph Tilby (the apparent murder victim)--if only he could figure out who would want a hot cup of Joe.
Veritable masterpieces of bad prose. My thanks to the winners for brightening the day.