Meta-Haiku Compressed NOW with More Homage (Proportionally)

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words wasted
to make lines work--doomed
to failure

words wasted
to fill lines--reduced
to white noise

to fill lines
words wasted--flaccid

Too many
words to make the count
poems flabby

add words--force
lines--chaos--can't get
your wordsworth

© 2005, Steven Riddle

I was talking about how the Japanese compose haiku and how in some cases the lines consist of a single word and its identifier particles. I had read it suggested that the syllabification for an English form that presented the same challenges would be 3-5-3--reducing 17 syllables to 11. Above is the transformation that occurs when it is tried on the admittedly poor hiaku of the previous version.

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All very true. It's easy to see when Shakespeare or other great poets were in the groove: As if they were speaking without regard to form and their words merely happened to fall into iambic pentameter onto the page.

well done, Heron, and poetically thoughtful...

I'm sorry
As I read further

Bright wisdom
Alters darkened prose
Doggy treat

Muttered curse
Apology verse
New discource



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This page contains a single entry by Steven Riddle published on May 2, 2005 11:13 AM.

Interpretation vs. Application was the previous entry in this blog.

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