Praying and Praying
This, from Fr. Ciszek:
He Leadeth Me Walter J. Ciszek, S. J.I had not really left myself open to the Spirit. I had, in fact, long ago decided what I expected to hear from the Spirit and when I did not hear precisely that I had felt betrayed. Whatever else the Spirit might have been telling me at that hour, I could not heat. I was so intent on hearing only one message, the message I wanted to hear, that I was not really listening at all.
The tendency to set acceptable conditions upon God, to seek unconsciously to make his will for us coincide with our desires, is a very human trait. And the more important the situation is, the more totally committed to it or the more completely our future depends upon it, then the easier it becomes for us to blind ourselves into thinking that what we want is surely what God must also want. (p.68-69)
All those guilty, raise your hands. Mine will be highest. I ALWAYS pray for God's will--so long as it is done in my way at my convenience. Praying God's will may be one of the hardest things in the world when you are praying for a sick loved one, for patience in dealing with your children, for people in broken relationships, for desires that hit very close to the heart. And yet, it is the most efficacious prayer. Abandoning yourself to God's will opens up channels of grace that make the fuss of the moment vanish. Emersing yourself in Divine Love and Wisdom make all things of Earth pale in comparison. When Jesus told us that we would not be tried beyond our strength to endure, He wasn't talking about our own will--we are constantly tried beyond our own strength. He was talking about our wills united to that of God. We cannot be tried beyond our ability to endure if God is our strength, and God can only be our strength if we unite our own wills to God's will. God is not a well we dip into--He is where we live, and move, and have our being. He is not frosting on the cake, He is the oxygen we breathe. We do nothing of ourselves save deny Him.
So, next time I trot out the laundry list of all the things I have on my heart, I plan to trot it out in His will. He knows what I want and knows far better than I do what is good for me, thus I will give Him all in all. But I will do so by His will. Don't ask how it will happen--I don't know. But I know, infant that I am, that if I take that first tottering step, His hand will be there to encourage me to walk, and I will finally learn how to walk.
Praise God!
