Journals Again
T. S. O'Rama has another fine post on journals in which he says in part:
But it is the chronic situations, like a bad relationship with a co-worker, that writing about doesn't seem much to help because there is an aspect of "Groundhog Day" to it - the ventilation doesn't 'work' because the situation that lead to the flame-up simply reoccurs continuously.
Exactly right--and therefore these are the most valuable pages of your journal because they provide two things: (1) fodder for your next trip to the confessional and (2) a mirror. When you have a long-term antagonistic relationship with someone and you have a record of your run-ins and attempts to deal with it, what you are likely being given by God is a mirror. What you say about that person in your reflections is what you should be looking for in yourself. Nothing is more irritating to us that to see part of us in someone else--particularly a part we don't want to acknowledge at all. When we have the journal as a resource, we have an observational mirror. Change all the he/she/it/they, to I/me and read it again. Does part of it ring true? Now, sit down with that same journal entry and write it from the other side. What did they see that they were reacting to? What a wonderful source of presence and grace! Take what you find and go to the nearest priest offering confession (in some dioceses I realize this is hard to come by, but look, you'll find one), and confess it all and offer it all up to God for His greater glory, with firm purpose of amendment and of abandoning yourself (promising not to be defensive or offensive) in these disputes. Suddenly endless, roiling, seething, black, and ugly thoughts become the substance of grace. "For with God, all things are possible."
