The antiphon for the first psalm for today's Morning Prayer is My heart is ready, O God, my heart is ready.
I read the antiphon this morning and my immediate reaction was a recoil. "No, it isn't. Not even close. My heart is no where near ready." There are too many things in it, on it, around it. At best it is a divided heart, not a simple heart--a singular gift for a Simple God.
I couldn't pray this in all honesty. But also in all honesty, I could say, "I want my heart to be ready, O God, make my heart ready." That, I could say because it true at the core, at the very marrow of bones. I want to be ready, I know I am not. My heart is half hard, half missing--a rocky field fit only for weeds and dodder--a shadow life thrown into relief by the season in which shadows are drawn more sharply and light is more visible.
So even though I needed to pray a different antiphon, my whole heart was captivated by the second line of the psalm--so much so that I spent the rest of the prayer there and carry it forward into the day--
I will sing, sing your praise.
in the hopes that
Awake, my soul
I will wake from my deliberate slumber and see, if only for a moment--a moment is that that it takes for a God as magnificent as the one we stand before every moment. Blind and deaf though I am, He will save me.
My heart is ready... to be changed from stone to flesh
My heart is ready... to be filled with love, not selfishness
My heart is ready... to be healed by the Master
My heart is ready... to be called by the Master
My heart is ready... to be made new in Christ
I find in times like this, when the psalm or the antiphon doesn't reflect my mood, it's helpful to note that one way of seeing the Hours is that we're praying with the Son to the Father,
My heart is never ready for anything in the morning save crawling back in bed. But sometimes, when I read the psalms with and through Christ, I realize why I've got to get up and make a day of it.