Flos Carmeli

St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross--Later in the Same Essay

from The Hidden Life, "Before the Face of God"
St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross

Carmelites can repay God's love by their everyday lives in no other way than by carrying out their daily duties faithfully in every respect all the little sacrifices that a regimen structured day after day in all its details demands of an active spirit; all the self- control that living in close proximity with different kinds of people continually requires and that is achieved with a loving smile; letting no opportunity go by for serving others in love. Finally, crowning this is the personal sacrifice that the Lord may impose on the individual soul. This is the "little way," a bouquet of insignificant little blossoms which are daily placed before the Almighty perhaps a silent, life-long martyrdom that no one suspects and that is at the same time a source of deep peace and hearty joyousness and a fountain of grace that bubbles over everything we do not know where it goes, and the people whom it reaches do not know from where it comes.

What more need be said?

Delighted to Rediscover Some Old Haunts

David Warren Online
Notes from Pureland Mountain
Notes from a Hillside Farm

and a new entry

CrimLaw

A Quiz With Too Many Possibilities

I've done this one before and think I had the same results. But saw it again at Summa Mamas:

You are Romans.


Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Here's the results changing some of the single variate answers of which I was less certain:

You are Ephesians.


Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

And one last solution altering the same answers to yet another configuration:

You are Proverbs.


Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Now, I'm going to go and ask some people about which view is truest.

The Meaning of Prayer in Work

from The Hidden Life
St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross

But we have the Savior not only in the form of reports of witnesses to his life. He is present to us in the most Blessed Sacrament. The hours of adoration before the Highest Good and the listening for the voice of the eucharistic God are simultaneously "meditation on the Law of the Lord" and "watching in prayer." But the highest level is reached "when the Law is deep within our hearts" (Ps 40:8), when we are so united with the triune God whose temple we are, that his Spirit rules all we do or do not do. Then it does not mean we are forsaking the Lord when we do the work that obedience requires of us. Work is unavoidable as long as we are subject to nature's laws and to the necessities of life. And, following the word and example of the apostle Paul, our holy Rule commands us to earn our bread by the work of our hands. But for us this work is always merely a means and must never be an end in itself. To stand before the face of God continues to be the real content of our lives.

How then do we pray always? We do so when we have invited God to be with us always, when we have reached a level of unity with Him, when we have surrendered everything to Him.

Praying always is something like a marriage of long duration where it is sufficient to be present together. You needn't jabber each other's ears off with protestations of your love and devotion. Your presence together speaks volumes that no words can speak.

However, that comfortable marriage comes only after years of work and of saying the things that must be said and of doing the things that must be done. One does not achieve unity by ignoring one another--nor by simple toleration. There is always a growth in love fostered by the blessings of the Holy Trinity present at the heart of the sacrament of matrimony.

So too, the union with God doesn't just happen. You must take what pains you can to express your love to God, and perhaps more importantly, (and much more difficult), you must allow God to love you. In this grace alone works to open you up to the love of God--an active, invigorating, growing love. You cannot perceive it by trying to do so.

The only way to receive this love is to be obedient to God's commandments and rely upon His Grace, present powerfully in the sacraments, but also present in "the sacrament of the present moment." We live only in the present, and it is only in the present that we can experience God. God's love is eternal, but its expression is in time, in each moment of each day. Every breath is a gift, everything that comes to us in a moment is a love-letter. We need to refocus our vision to find God in the gift of the moment, and open our wills to accept that grace.

Only in this way is it possible to grow in love. His grace opens us up to His grace. The best we can manage is to not get in the way. And so, when we are in a hurry and stuck in the world's largest parking lot, regard that as a moment from the Lord, the gift of the present moment and thank Him for it. No matter what happens, resolve, with His help, to accept it and to converse with Him about it. In this way, you grow toward that union that requires no conversation to complete it because it is a continual conversation in itself. Like those grown old together in marriage, words become unnecessary because there is a communion and communication of being. Much more so then with our Beloved Father, Spouse, and Comforter. All Earthly marriage is a reflection of the true Divine marriage of God to the individual Soul. All that is good in marriage is expressed in this Union and because God is simple in Good, the Divine Union, unlike the human state, can have no shadow of evil in it. It is pure, holy, and good--the transcendant and encompassing marriage. Moreover, it is a gift, waiting for anyone who is willing to open it. God invites us to come and partake,

And the Spirit and the bride say, "Come." And let him that heareth say, "Come." And let him that is athirst come; and whosoever will, let him take the Water of Life freely. (Rev 22: 17).

And more, the message is repeated and repeated throughout the Bible and probably most profoundly accented in the Song of Songs.

I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother's house, who would instruct me; I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me. I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that ye stir not up nor awake my love, until he please." (Song 8:2-4)

Of enormous interest is that this image suggests at once marital union and the embrace of a father supporting the head of the smallest infant. The other day T.S. O'Rama was commenting on the need for us to become little children. And I would say amen to that--very little children indeed. For little children are simple, they accept what comes to them and, in their way are thankful for it. So too we must learn to be thankful for what comes to us from God who holds us tenderly as a Father holds an only child that he has waited years and years to see. His embrace at once protects, strengthens, and comforts us. He is at once Father and Mother to us combining the very best of both human roles to be truly our All in All.

Back for a Moment to Cannery Row

I was surprised by Cannery Row. First, I thought I had read it before. Turns out, I was wrong. Second, it was the reading for one of our books groups. In fact, it was one of the best things we've read in the last year. After several sessions of reading novels influenced by postmodernism, even if not postmodern themselves, I was astounded at the sheer exuberance and power of Steinbeck's prose. True, he was a modernist, but he believed in story and character and the fact that both of these are necessary to make a successful book. Most modern writers simply haven't gotten that down. They lack depth in one or the other. Gutterson's Our Lady of the Forest was so bereft of such interests that I abandoned reading after thirty pages. (Unlike some readers, I do not believe the reader owes the author ANYTHING--not even five pages. I will occasionally read past a few dull pages in the hope that the book will improve, but I figure if you've had ten percent of your novel to interest me and I'm still not drawn in, it's not likely to get better.)

Steinbeck won a Nobel Prize for his writing and it's easy to see why. His mastery of his subject and his subtlety with drawing characters, places, and actions blow most modern writers out of the water. While he had an agenda, I am not stuck with reading through reams of world-weary trash hoping for some denouement that will provide and ray of hope. Cannery Row is about absolute poverty and deprivation, and the whole thing is lit from within. There is wry humor and subtle interplay among characters as well as interesting tid-bits about Monterey and its history.

There is a reason why some works become classics and some writers are highly regarded. Steinbeck, except for his politics, has always been a favorite of mine, and this book just served to reinforce the general feeling.

Revised Reading List

Having finished Barbara Dent's My Only Friend Is Darkness and John Steinbeck's Cannery Row in the last couple of days, the face of my reading list has changed dramatically.

Present reading:

James McKean Quattocento
(don't laugh) J.D. Robb Purity in Death (Okay, the premise sounded interesting--somewhat similar to Snowcrash for those who are familiar.
C.S. Lewis The Screwtape Letters
Jane Austen Pride and Prejudice (but I'm already behind)

Jennifer Moorcroft He Is My Heaven--a biography of Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity
Abbot Vonier A Key to the Doctrine of the Eucharist --wonderful, rich, insightful. It calls for slow reading.

Hovering on the horizon--

The Letters of St. Teresa of Avila, Vol. 1
Parochial and Plain Sermons, Vol 1
The Science of the Cross St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross

And others.

Prayer Requests--2/13/04

O Lord, do not forsake me!
My God, do not stay far off!
Make haste and come to my help,
O Lord, my God, my savior! (psalm 38: 22-23)

Prayer Requests

For Pamela for prosperity

For some recent concerns of my own

For Christine and Gordon, who are presently separated by a great distance. For Christine as she prepares the house for sail, that it may go smoothly with her and the sale proceed as quickly as may be necessary.

For all who are suffering from marital problems, most particularly those in our own families or communities, that the Lord may intervene and remind them that a marriage is of three persons.

For mothers and families that struggle with autism and autistic related disabilities: particularly for M'Lynn, Melissa, Christine, and Betty.

For Father Benedict Groeschel, for complete recovery

For Athan, an 18 month old child in North Carolina who suffers from a digestive disorder that doctors determine its nature and help to remedy it; for peace and comfort for Athan's family.

For families that desire more children

For the conversion or return of spouses and loved ones to the Catholic Church, most particularly for Amanda's husband

For Audrey, who is battling anorexia, and to her family which is suffering through very difficult times.

For the men and women of the American Armed forces in Iraq and Afghanistan and for their families, may the Good Lord provide sustenance, support, compassion, and love that these separated families might continue to grow in strength and love.

Special Prayer Projects:

(1) Chris Keith, the young lady whose biopsy went poorly got the results of that biopsy--carcinoma of the liver. The cancer is metastatic from colon cancer. Surgery has taken place to treat the colon cancer.

I paraphrase her mother:

"We [members of the family] are standing on the Rock and are rock solid. We are all okay and we are looking for a few prayer warriors to help us in this battle." Because this mother means so much to me for the great good she has done for my friends, I plan to stand with her and her family in this battle, and I invite you all to join me. Expect to hear about this on and off over the next few months.

(2) For Katherine's Mom as she undergoes chemotherapy--that the treatment is successful and her mother comes through this ordeal with a deeper sense of God's abiding love for her.

(3) For Katherine and Franklin, Janet and Louis, Peter Kucera, and for all who are seeking employment and suffering through difficult times as they wait.

(4)Healthy Pregnancies and good and safe deliveries: From Davey's Mom: I am with child once again and could use prayers for a healthy pregnancy. For Suki, for a healthy pregancy and a safe delivery. For Ashli and her child that doctors may find a way to help her carry her young one to term.

Entering the Dark Night

I haven't even begun to, and I won't make any pretensions of the sort. I have read much about it, but from experience have no inkling. Although I may have started understanding in a more profound way. All these fine thoughts and sentiments must be crucified and go the way of all flesh until what I desire is entirely and only what God desires for me. Even desiring Him is of my own making and so that desire must be transformed into His desire for me. That is, presently my longing is MY longing. In that dark night, MY longing for Him will be transformed into Jesus's longing on the cross. There will no longer be an I but it will be God within me speaking back to God. I will truly become His servant because I will have become His house. He will dwell in me in a substantial way for all to see. Assuming of course I will to stay the course.

But I ask, and not rhetorically, what other course is there? Where else is there to go? You, Lord, have the words of eternal life--only in you may I be transformed in such a way as to enter eternal life.

All of these are intellectual recognitions. So with the grace of God I must start up again that slippery slope of Mount Carmel, relying entirely on grace, and more on the pull of love that wishes me up that slope. I cannot detach from things around me by my own will. Even the notion of detachment, of leaving behind, of moving upward becomes in its own way an attachment. So I must look at the Father with the intensity of love that I have for the son He gave me and receive that love back. I must dwell in His love and take the elevator to the Father--the elevator of His loving embrace. Because I know for certain that He desires all of His children to ask and to be invited into the circle of His arms. They are open for us all, and His great heart aches and bleeds so long as there is a single one of us outside that loving embrace.

Look at your children and realize the intensity of what is there in your heart and turn that gaze to your Father, loving Him beyond the limits you thought possible. Ask and it shall be answered, seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened. Or better yet, the Father awaits the return of the prodigal, watching with careful eye for any sign of his return. And as we make the slightest turn, He bounds out from his palace from the greatness of His throneroom to embrace us and bring us home.

And so I hope I see a sign of turning, and I pray this heart of stone becomes a heart of flesh for Him to do with as He wills. I start by wanting to give all to the Father all the intensity of who am I and what I am capable of doing and feeling, I will to be His. And next, I wait and fast and pray. I thank God for the season almost upon us. Perhaps this awakening or partial awakening is a small indication of what He wants for me this Lent. Please pray for me.

Prayer Requests 2/12/04

The LORD on high is mightier than the noise of many waters, yea, than the mighty waves of the sea.
Thy testimonies are very sure: holiness becometh thine house, O LORD, for ever. (Psalm 93: 4-5)

Praise Reports

All went well and safely with Gregg and family on their travels to a dear relative's funeral.

Prayer Requests

For Pamela for prosperity

For some recent concerns of my own

For Christine and Gordon, who are presently separated by a great distance. For Christine as she prepares the house for sail, that it may go smoothly with her and the sale proceed as quickly as may be necessary.

For all who are suffering from marital problems, most particularly those in our own families or communities, that the Lord may intervene and remind them that a marriage is of three persons.

For mothers and families that struggle with autism and autistic related disabilities: particularly for M'Lynn, Melissa, Christine, and Betty.

For Father Benedict Groeschel, for complete recovery

For Athan, an 18 month old child in North Carolina who suffers from a digestive disorder that doctors determine its nature and help to remedy it; for peace and comfort for Athan's family.

For families that desire more children

For the conversion or return of spouses and loved ones to the Catholic Church, most particularly for Amanda's husband

For Audrey, who is battling anorexia, and to her family which is suffering through very difficult times.

For the men and women of the American Armed forces in Iraq and Afghanistan and for their families, may the Good Lord provide sustenance, support, compassion, and love that these separated families might continue to grow in strength and love.

Special Prayer Projects:

(1) Chris Keith, the young lady whose biopsy went poorly got the results of that biopsy--carcinoma of the liver. The cancer is metastatic from colon cancer. Surgery has taken place to treat the colon cancer.

I paraphrase her mother:

"We [members of the family] are standing on the Rock and are rock solid. We are all okay and we are looking for a few prayer warriors to help us in this battle." Because this mother means so much to me for the great good she has done for my friends, I plan to stand with her and her family in this battle, and I invite you all to join me. Expect to hear about this on and off over the next few months.

(2) For Katherine's Mom as she undergoes chemotherapy--that the treatment is successful and her mother comes through this ordeal with a deeper sense of God's abiding love for her.

(3) For Katherine and Franklin, Janet and Louis, and for all who are seeking employment and suffering through difficult times as they wait.

(4)Healthy Pregnancies and good and safe deliveries: From Davey's Mom: I am with child once again and could use prayers for a healthy pregnancy. For Suki, for a healthy pregancy and a safe delivery. For Ashli and her child that doctors may find a way to help her carry her young one to term.

Mr. White Has Come to stblogs.org

Summa Minutiae may be found at this new address.

After All, Who Can You Call at 3:00 A.M.

who won't either kill you for it or be utterly incoherent or semi-somnolent? Except of course for God Himself who is awake and waiting. He waits on us in every hour in every moment of every day. He waits for us to turn to Him and He gives us the opportunity to praise Him.

He is awake when I am awake. He watches while I sleep. He is the comfort of sleep and the love of family. He is the good of all that is good. Sometimes we forget that. In loving our spouses and our families, we forget that is God that makes each moment possible. God is the ground of love. Without Him there is no love, there is no pleasure, there is no good.

It is good, regardless of the circumstances to wait upon the Lord.

Awake in the Watches of the Night

Warning: What follows is intensely personal, and I trust not offensive to all. However, I give fair warning knowing that some may be uncomfortable reading it. If so, I apologize, but I also respectfully point out that you were warned.

Unusually for me, I am awake in the night. I don't often wake up or at least I don't often feel compelled to get up. But tonight overwhelming ickiness brings me to light and to the heart of this community, dreams of which awakened me.

And so I wonder how do I best render service to the Lord. Surely not by sitting here and typing. And yet sitting and typing helps all that is within to spill out, to begin to make sense.

Perhaps I am hearing echoes of Barbara Dent's book, which I finished tonight. Perhaps I fear growing closer to the Lord even as I am drawn closer. Nothing is clear except the impulse to say "I love you" to God. I want to make that love known to all the world. And I feel impotent to do so. No words say what is in my heart. No ideas convey the weight of God's love for me and the yearning I have to requite that love--to return kind for kind. I cannot love Him as He loves me and yet that is all that I desire to do.

Here in the late night, in the early morning, I raise my eyes to God on high and I thank Him among all the peoples letting them all hear the good He has done for me. He calls me and I find myself powerless to answer and I am devastated by my weakness. Only He can answer the call He issues and it can happen only in His time.

But here I am naked before Him and offering all that I am, all that I have, all that I can do. Take me Lord and use me for Your glory. Let me see you and let me take you to those who do not know you. Let me love with Your love. Let my heart be Your heart.

All That Green/Gray Above the Mason-Dixon Line. . .

can just stay green. Color depends on the computer I'm using. Otherwise, here's the map.

create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide

Important Announcement

Being true to all candidates who support life, and having announced Jcecil3's campaign, I'm delighted to direct your attention to:

Smockmomma

I particularly recommend Smockmomma's platform. You note, it's the right color for the right season--none of this flashy white stuff after Labor Day.

Besides, Disputations points out that Smockmomma is upper right in his dominant-issue voter model. (Even if he steadfastly refuses to move from mere modeling to monte-carlo simulation and random walk generation. What are we to do with these stubborn Dominicans mired in the 13th century?)

Crucifixion of the Intellect

from My Only Friend Is Darkness
Barbara Dent

The cleverer the intellect and the more fragile the sense of security, the more we are tempted to rationalize until a tangle of interdependent concepts about the spiritual life and our position in it is formed. Its purpose is to protect the psyche from pain and shock. Unfortunately, it also impedes the Spirit's free penetration of the same psyche, so that divine wisdom and will cannot be implanted deep down where the springs of action have their source. A pallisade of intellectual idols is in the way. . .

The roots of bad and imperfect habits can be uncovered only by means of the passive purifications. The vice-like hold of the intellect upon its possessions has to be broken, and breaking hurts. Yet the Spirit, though implacable, is also tender and healing.

We have and hold nothing. Everything that is "ours" is loaned to us for this brief time on Earth. In a sense, these things we have comprise the toolkit God has given us to approach Him. We must use each implement wisely. However, even with the most careful and adept use, because of the twisting that occurs because of original sin those tools do not effectively bring us within arm's reach of God. And we are darting, slippery creatures, like minnows in the shallows when it comes to truly entering God's embrace.

Some of us fool ourselves that we relax and wait upon the Lord. But the signs of our lives show that the best we do is touch the hem of His garment and back away. We may believe, but we don't really want to be embraced because that embrace will rob us of . . . what? We don't really know, but we do know that we are not ready to make the commitment.

Those who are inclined to think deep thoughts and to consider studiously all aspects of any question have a particularly serious barricade up in the presence of the Lord. To whom much is given, much is expected in return. But the much expected isn't necessarily the fruits of the mind. Rather, it is escaping that comforting ivory tower (all in God's time) to total abandonment in God's loving embrace. And it isn't something we can do ourselves. Only God can effect this change in us. We must be willing to leave, but the barricade effectively keeps us in as well as keeping God out. Our ideas about God, about Jesus, about the spiritual life are as effective at sealing us off as they are at bringing us close.

The intellect can lead us to the throne-room, but ultimately it is the heart that makes us children. And we must let God break down our misconceptions, our notions of what should happen and how things should go. We must let God love us to eternity. If we permit, He will draw us to Him and He will help us to go. We cannot go to Him unless we go as children, thus the necessity of dismantling the intellectual apparatus that has served as a conveyance, but now serves merely as a barrier. If we allow it, God will perfect the intellect with the wisdom only He can give.

Frankly, while I know this to be true in my heart, I can't even begin to imagine what it is really about. I am not that far along in my own journey. But I have seen it time and again in the great saints. I see the total abandonment to love that transforms ordinary men and women into Saints. And I want that. However, to get there, I know that I must even abandon wanting that great union and closeness and I must desire only what God desires for me. He must be my soul love. [I see my original misspelling in review and retain it as a meaningful inspiration] Aquinas has shown God is simple. And what is simple cannot endure union with what is duple or triple. "You cannot serve God and mammon." Equally, you cannot serve God and your own notion of God. So I must abandon all of those things--and here again, I cannot do it myself. I must fling myself headlong into His love. I must be carried where He wills me to be carried by currents unknown to me. The prospect is frightening and exhilirating in turns. And yet it is the call of this life on earth. To be God's alone, to have no idols, to have nothing between me and Him. And so I follow the path marked out by so many saints before and I attempt to do the little that my will can encompass. I try to abandon myself to love knowing that only in that abandonment is there transformation. "Unless a grain of wheat should fall. . ."

More Important Blog Awards

Continuing my efforts to truly award those deserving awards we advance (or retreat to the next round)

Most Truly Sassy Southern Lady Blog-- One of the reasons this session of awards was so long delayed is that it took me quite a while to decide. Ultimately the judges came down to a tie between the remarkable Lee Ann Morawski (in the Bibliophilic Republic of Birmingham) and Smockmomma (now a presidential candidate) from the remarkable Summa Mamas blog.

Most Inspiring (literary division)-- Ms. Peony Moss of Two Sleepy Mommies who got up the gumption to start an on-line book discussion and demonstrated the remarkably good taste to start with Pride and Prejudice.

Most True to His Mentor--undoubtedly Disputations. Is there anything more to say?

Most Consistently Focused on Holiness The remarkable, relatively new blog Viam Pacis. Deep appreciation and sincere thanks for all that you have done.

Most Interesting to Debate With--Hands down, no contest, Jcecil3's Progressive Catholic Blog. I can't think off hand of four opinions we hold in common; however Jcecil3 is always courteous, always seems to listen, and always has interesting arguments and points of view to support his contentions. I suppose I would also give a courtesy award just for his ability to keep cool in the center of the firestorms that sometimes swirl around over there.

Most Missed --a tie presently From the Anchor Hold by the remarkable Ms. Knapp, may she be returned to us shortly and as always, more last than star. Dylan, we anxiously await your return.

Prayer Requests-Our Lady of Lourdes

Praise the Lord for he is good;
sing to our God for he is loving:
to him our praise is due. (Psalm 147)

Praise Reports

All went well and safely with Gregg and family on their travels to a dear relative's funeral.

Prayer Requests

For Pamela for prosperity

For some recent concerns of my own

For Christine and Gordon, who are presently separated by a great distance. For Christine as she prepares the house for sail, that it may go smoothly with her and the sale proceed as quickly as may be necessary.

For all who are suffering from marital problems, most particularly those in our own families or communities, that the Lord may intervene and remind them that a marriage is of three persons.

For mothers and families that struggle with autism and autistic related disabilities: particularly for M'Lynn, Melissa, Christine, and Betty.

For Father Benedict Groeschel, for complete recovery

For Athan, an 18 month old child in North Carolina who suffers from a digestive disorder that doctors determine its nature and help to remedy it; for peace and comfort for Athan's family.

For families that desire more children

For the conversion or return of spouses and loved ones to the Catholic Church, most particularly for Amanda's husband

For Audrey, who is battling anorexia, and to her family which is suffering through very difficult times.

For the men and women of the American Armed forces in Iraq and Afghanistan and for their families, may the Good Lord provide sustenance, support, compassion, and love that these separated families might continue to grow in strength and love.

Special Prayer Projects:

(1) Chris Keith, the young lady whose biopsy went poorly got the results of that biopsy--carcinoma of the liver. The cancer is metastatic from colon cancer. Surgery has taken place to treat the colon cancer.

I paraphrase her mother:

"We [members of the family] are standing on the Rock and are rock solid. We are all okay and we are looking for a few prayer warriors to help us in this battle." Because this mother means so much to me for the great good she has done for my friends, I plan to stand with her and her family in this battle, and I invite you all to join me. Expect to hear about this on and off over the next few months.

(2) For Katherine's Mom as she undergoes chemotherapy--that the treatment is successful and her mother comes through this ordeal with a deeper sense of God's abiding love for her.

(3) For Katherine and Franklin, Janet and Louis, and for all who are seeking employment and suffering through difficult times as they wait.

(4)Healthy Pregnancies and good and safe deliveries: From Davey's Mom: I am with child once again and could use prayers for a healthy pregnancy. For Suki, for a healthy pregancy and a safe delivery. For Ashli and her child that doctors may find a way to help her carry her young one to term.

Important E-Texts and Sites

Mary Eleanor Wilkins Freeman--relatively unknown--recalled by a few for a couple of atmospheric ghost stories.

Henry James The Awkward Age

Nice HTML of J Sheridan Le Fanu Room in the Dragon Volant

and Wylder's Hand

For those who could never abide the original , Stories from the Faerie Queene

P.G. Wodehouse Mike: A Public School Story An earlier work--1909

Euclid's Elements

and

Alfred North Whitehead Introduction to Mathematics

I never fail to be amazed. . .

that God loves me despite my essentially unlovable nature.

Even the best inclined of us has difficulty being around a cocky, self-assured, self-centered young buck who thinks the world is His oyster and whatever he wants is the pearl at the center.

Yes, that paragraph describes me in relation to the God who loves me. Nevertheless, like the loving Father He is, He reaches out to me. He reaches out to me in my sinfulness and in the utter horror that I am. I think about St. Francis kissing the leper, and I see God's gentle metaphor sent to us. Only leprosy is nearly purity compared to the state I often wallow in.

Nevertheless, God loves me. He gives me each day the light of that day. He gives me each moment what is needed to move forward. He gives me my food, my drink, my joy. And always, I fall short in returning to Him these great goods. There is nothing I can do to repay this love but try to love as greatly in return and try to send others into the torrents of His love. As I am swept along, I can reach out and offer my hand to those who cling to the shore, prefering the safer shallows to that divine cataract. And paradoxically our only salvation is in our abandonment to that raging river. The intensity of His love cannot be stilled. It is at once fire and water. In the words of the KJV:

  Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.
   Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.
(Song of Songs 8:6-7).

Such is God's love. And my strongest desire is to follow His wish--to set Him as THE SEAL upon my heart and THE SEAL upon my arm. For only in utter abandonment to Him may I ever hope to see freedom and light.

Holy Sonnet 14
John Donne

Batter my heart, three-personed God, for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurped town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but Oh, to no end.
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betrothed unto your enemy:
Divorce me, untie or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

I repeat this poem often because its message can never be heard loudly enough nor clearly enough. Our only hope is in His Love and His only desire is for our love--complete, whole, and freely given.

Opening the Door to God

from My Only Friend is Darkness Barbara Dent

God is busy forming the Son in us in all his completeness, though tailored to our individuality, and we cannot expect his passion and death will be omitted. How can we know what secret attractions, desires, attachmentts are binding us there in the hidden fastnesses of our hearts? We do not know, so we cannot ask to be delivered from them in any specific way of our own choice, but must leave the Spirit to work it out for us.

In short, we are not captains of our own ships or masters of our own fates. We don't even know ourselves well enough to clean house, how can we hope to know God without His help? Day by day He comes to us, almost in supplication. Here is the Father of the prodigal son humbly tapping at the door to our heart and asking for permission to come in. Here is the Lord of the Universe who could, if He so desired take away everything, deprive us of our last breath, and do other things more terrible and wonderful than we can contemplate, asking us to acknowledge our love for Him.

And we do love Him. Passionately. However, there are a few things in the way. For example, we like to read more than we like to pray. We like to run and jog more than we like to pray. We like to eat more than we like to pray. Let's face it, for some of us, we'd rather clean the commode than face our loving Father in prayer.

Nevertheless, to the last day of our lives, to the last second of the last day, He knocks. He humbly begs entry, and he tries the door to see if we at least left it unlocked.

Make an effort to clear a path. Move the debris out of the way so at least the door can swing open a little. Ask for light to see and courage and strength to do what becomes necessary in the light. Turn the key, ask God to come in. Though we are too weak to move this mound of stuff ourselves, surely if we desire it, He can and will move it. He wants us so desperately. To Him we are each an only child--the singular love of His life. He lavishes upon us every possible gift to make this clear. Now pray for a clear eye to see His hand in all that we are and all that is around us. Pray for clear vision to see Him in each day and thank Him for His presence.

Most of us have not yet approached the dark night, though we like to talk of it as though it was near. We know that the dark night means His love. We dread it even as we desire it. We do not think we can stand it, and we are right, because it is only through His strength that we can begin to undergo the purifications that will bring us to Him in this Life, in serenity, joy, peace, and love.

So, while we long for that dark night that means a closer union with God, let us prepare the way, if only feebly by muttering when he knocks, "Come in. Come in and be master of this house. Come in and make it clean, well-ordered, your own abode. Come in and love me, finally I am ready. Come in."

Prayer Requests 2/10/04

. . . As one in desert lands
Whose very flesh is flame,
In burning love I lift my hands
and bless His name. (from a hymn)

Prayer Requests

For Sparki, peace, comfort, and certain knowledge of His love.

For some recent concerns of my own

For Christine and Gordon, who are presently separated by a great distance. For Christine as she prepares the house for sail, that it may go smoothly with her and the sale proceed as quickly as may be necessary.

For all who are suffering from marital problems, most particularly those in our own families or communities, that the Lord may intervene and remind them that a marriage is of three persons.

For mothers and families that struggle with autism and autistic related disabilities: particularly for M'Lynn, Melissa, Christine, and Betty.

For Father Benedict Groeschel, for complete recovery

For Athan, an 18 month old child in North Carolina who suffers from a digestive disorder that doctors determine its nature and help to remedy it; for peace and comfort for Athan's family.

For families that desire more children

For the conversion or return of spouses and loved ones to the Catholic Church, most particularly for Amanda's husband

For Audrey, who is battling anorexia, and to her family which is suffering through very difficult times.

For the men and women of the American Armed forces in Iraq and Afghanistan and for their families, may the Good Lord provide sustenance, support, compassion, and love that these separated families might continue to grow in strength and love.

Special Prayer Projects:

(1) Chris Keith, the young lady whose biopsy went poorly got the results of that biopsy--carcinoma of the liver. The cancer is metastatic from colon cancer. Surgery has taken place to treat the colon cancer.

I paraphrase her mother:

"We [members of the family] are standing on the Rock and are rock solid. We are all okay and we are looking for a few prayer warriors to help us in this battle." Because this mother means so much to me for the great good she has done for my friends, I plan to stand with her and her family in this battle, and I invite you all to join me. Expect to hear about this on and off over the next few months.

(2) For Katherine's Mom as she undergoes chemotherapy--that the treatment is successful and her mother comes through this ordeal with a deeper sense of God's abiding love for her.

(3) For Katherine and Franklin, Janet and Louis, and for all who are seeking employment and suffering through difficult times as they wait.

(4)Healthy Pregnancies and good and safe deliveries: From Davey's Mom: I am with child once again and could use prayers for a healthy pregnancy. For Suki, for a healthy pregancy and a safe delivery. For Ashli and her child that doctors may find a way to help her carry her young one to term.

For Every Parent

See Tom's post regarding abducted children--every parent's nightmare. Let us pray for those who in these dark times now that their children be returned to them safely and without harm. And let us pray for those who would abduct a child that the Lord stays their hand and constantly watches over them reminding them of right and wrong. May the Guardian Angels of all children form a protective circle around them and may our prayers lend strength to the shield that would protect them.

Praise Report

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
Praise Him all creatures here below.
Praise Him above ye heavenly host.
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

So much good to praise the Lord for.

If you look at the list of people for whom we were praying for employment, you'll find that yet another one has dropped off the list. Bill Doran found a job shortly after we began praying. In addition, my brother-in-law after long intermittant employment got a good full-time job. Praise God in His mercy.

Teresita reports that the dreaded interview went much better than expected and thanks us all for our prayers.

Smockmomma reports another cause for praise and thanksgiving:

"Smockmomma's momma, Charlene, survived a car accident that totaled her car. Charlene is not in the habit of professing her faith, but is so happy to be alive that she is giving God the glory."

And perhaps most wonderful of all, after so long a silence we've heard once again from Karen Marie Knapp. Keep praying and raising her to the Lord, but praise Him for what He has already accomplished for her.

Some days there is simply not enough heart to be filled by the magnificence and generosity God bestows upon us. May He take away these hearts of stones and give us hearts of flesh that rejoice in His love. Praise Him! O Praise Him!

Prayer Requests 2/9/04

The joy of the Lord is my strength!

Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say it, rejoice!

The praise report is so long that it necessitates an entry of its own--alleluia!

Prayer Requests

For a special and urgent need for Katherine right now.

For Gordon as he searches for a house for his family

For Christine and Gordon, who are presently separated by a great distance. For Christine as she prepares the house for sail, that it may go smoothly with her and the sale proceed as quickly as may be necessary.

For all who are suffering from marital problems, most particularly those in our own families or communities, that the Lord may intervene and remind them that a marriage is of three persons.

For M'Lynn in her present domestic crisis, that all works out both in Court and in the new job possibility

For mothers and families that struggle with autism and autistic related disabilities: particularly for M'Lynn, Melissa, Christine, and Betty.

For Father Benedict Groeschel, for complete recovery

For Athan, an 18 month old child in North Carolina who suffers from a digestive disorder that doctors determine its nature and help to remedy it; for peace and comfort for Athan's family.

For families that desire more children

For the conversion or return of spouses and loved ones to the Catholic Church, most particularly for Amanda's husband

For Audrey, who is battling anorexia, and to her family which is suffering through very difficult times.

For the men and women of the American Armed forces in Iraq and Afghanistan and for their families, may the Good Lord provide sustenance, support, compassion, and love that these separated families might continue to grow in strength and love.

Special Prayer Projects:

(1) Chris Keith, the young lady whose biopsy went poorly got the results of that biopsy--carcinoma of the liver. The cancer is metastatic from colon cancer. Surgery has taken place to treat the colon cancer.

I paraphrase her mother:

"We [members of the family] are standing on the Rock and are rock solid. We are all okay and we are looking for a few prayer warriors to help us in this battle." Because this mother means so much to me for the great good she has done for my friends, I plan to stand with her and her family in this battle, and I invite you all to join me. Expect to hear about this on and off over the next few months.

(2) For Katherine's Mom as she undergoes chemotherapy--that the treatment is successful and her mother comes through this ordeal with a deeper sense of God's abiding love for her.

(3) For Katherine and Franklin, Janet and Louis, and for all who are seeking employment and suffering through difficult times as they wait.

(4)Healthy Pregnancies and good and safe deliveries: From Davey's Mom: I am with child once again and could use prayers for a healthy pregnancy. For Suki, for a healthy pregancy and a safe delivery. For Ashli and her child that doctors may find a way to help her carry her young one to term.