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May 29, 2005
A History of My Errors
First, the new version:
And Like Shadows, Flow Away
Meet me on the plain of glass, fly to me
there where we name us the summit of all.
Come to me across the water, I see
you chasing reflections until you fall
in love with a shadow twin. Together
we will bind reflection, shackle shadows
until we, lords of the world though we may
be, fold up and like shadows flow away.
© 2005, Steven Riddle
And the version circa 2002:
And Like Shadows, Flow Away
Meet me on a plain
of glass.
Fly to me there
where
we are the only monuments.
Come to me
across the water
chasing your reflection
until you fall
in love
with a shadow
twin. Together
we will bind
our reflections,
shackle
the shadows that chase
us. And flow away.
© 2005, Steven Riddle
I like the free verse version. It means differently than the more structured version. But I like the meaning imposed by structure. It forces one's hand--you need to make some decisions--for good or for ill. In this case, perhaps to the detriment of the original. But each now makes a statement and the statements are distinctly different.
Posted by Steven Riddle at May 29, 2005 6:30 PM
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Comments
I'm not so good at this. Which is free, and which is structured? Either way, I like 'em.
Posted by: Jack Perry at May 29, 2005 7:42 PM
Dear Jack,
Free verse has no rhyme, meter, or syllabic scheme behind it.
And thank you.
shalom,
Steven
Posted by: Steven Riddle at May 30, 2005 10:02 AM